Saturday, June 23, 2012

A Puppy and Some Roses Awwwe...not.

Hello world! I'm sorry you've been deprived of our awesomeness for so long, but Glitterific Ostrich is at camp, Purple Cupcake Monster is traveling and visiting her family, and I...well I haven't had many note worthy things happen to me, but tomorrow is Sunday and you shall be receiving our crazy phrases. Anyway, so I have a puppy named Mabel and she'll put anything she can find in her mouth. Such as: leaves, rocks, sticks, twigs, pinecones, broken porcelain, dolls, pens, markers, pencils, headphones, bottles, bananas (which are her favorite), magnets, banana peels, and poop.

So today my dad comes home from the store and he got my mum some flowers. She's putting them up in a vase and trimming them, and pouring the little nutrition packet in there with them. My dad is standing over the sink eating some water melon, and we're all within 3 feet of each other. A rose leaf falls off of the counter and lands on the floor just as Mabel walks up. Naturally she decides it's a good idea to put it in her mouth. My mum has the plant nutrition chemicals on her hand so she can't dig it outta Mabel's mouth and tells us that someone needs to get it out. She looks at me, so my father thinks it was directed at me specifically so he just keeps eating watermelon. i kneel down and try to fish it out of her mouth. She is being very difficult and doesn't want me to take her "treat" away, so I start laughing at my inability to do this. I utter "help me" and no one moves, so I keep laughing making it near impossible to get it. My parents keep giving me instructions like "hurry" and "swipe her tongue". I'm still laughing and Mabel's trying to get away so I have to hold her face open with one hand, "swipe her tongue" with the other, and hold her still with my knees. Eventually I get it out and fling it on the floor before throwing away the limp, slobber covered leaf. Ew.

-Floating Penguin

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Coffee Adventures

The other day my cousin was complaining that he never gets to go to the coffee shop with me and Cellular Dodo so I said "well let's go" so we walked down and he had never been before, he was so confused! We walk in and I'm standing in line, like a normal person, and he's just wandering aimlessly so I lean over and grab him by the collar of his T-shirt and pull him back in front of me and say "stay". Eventually it's our turn to order, so I tell the lady what I want and then there was a pause and I say "I don't know what he wants" clearly meaning my little cousin. He leans over to me and whispers "what kind of smoothies do they have?" so I read him the list off the menu (which was on the wall) and he goes "oh." and then looks at his feet, silent. I look at the girl, then at him, then I lean over to him and half-whisper "this is the part when you order". So he orders and we move over to where we wait for our drinks. He was like taking a little wooden coffee stirrer and he's putting it in his mouth and then it broke in half. Finally his drink comes and I have to guide him through the process of grabbing it and getting a straw. So I'm waiting for mine and out of no where he goes "Oh my god!" and I'm like "what?" and he says "I have that same toaster!". The counter behind us had the straws, and stirrers, and like sugar, and apparently a toaster. He was marveling at it as if it was some revalation that he had the same toaster. I'm just like "that's lovely" and he goes "That's so weird, I have that exact same toaster". I don't know if any of you are familiar with Roosterteeth, but
http://roosterteeth.com/archive/?id=4967
Our conversation about the toaster was extremely similar to Chris and Bernie's conversation about the microwave. (in case you couldn't figure it out on your own, he's Chris)

-Floating Penguin

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Sunday Bloody Sunday

That's the title of a Paramore song. In case you were wondering, which I'm sure you were. Anyways. Here's what you came for.

CD:
Pretending to be the announcer at a golf tournament:
"And this putter goes back and forward"

Spastic Guppie was splashing him with Gulf of Mexico water:
"I don't wanna get aids from Caesar!"

FP:

School trip to Boston:
Pretending to be time travelers:
"What year is it?!"

We went to this town and some guys bought plastic pickles that had a button that you could push and it would start to yodel:
FP: "make your pickle shut up!"
Cetaphobic Squid: "I'm sorry! My pickle's very sensitive!"

Walking down the street half hearing a conversation:
"Did they just say 'beating the child with a penguin'?"

I told Sargent McChiken Bites to fix his hair and I think it was GO who looked at me weird:
"What? He looked like a chicken."

My baby cousin grabbed my arm and started biting me:
"Now she's just licking me"

-Floating Penguin